She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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