Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
