how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
