Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
