So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
