Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
