You smell like stripper and shame
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize