I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
