were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
