I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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