I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
