I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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