My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
