I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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