there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I want her autograph on my taint
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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