Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
