Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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