she woke up with a sticky ear
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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