even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
