Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
