are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
