so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
