She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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