what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
