Will you blow on my dice?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
