and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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