My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize