We named our party play list daddy issues
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
