Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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