guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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