Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
