I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
