Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
