you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
