It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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