How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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