R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
