Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
