just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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