Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
