the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
