my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
