Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize