Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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