I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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