She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
