Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize