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• (858): View more from California

  Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.

  (858): View more from California

  i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents

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• (559): View more from California

  my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  "Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?

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• (779): View more from Illinois

  explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.

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• (228): View more from Mississippi

  Are you high right now?

  (1-228): View more from Mississippi

  is that a question or a drake reference?

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.

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• (585): View more from New York

  When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Panties = found

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