I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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