She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
