worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
