So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
