I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
