Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I will die if light touches me.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize