Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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