just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
