Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
