the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Fuck appropriateness.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just blew my weed a kiss
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
