I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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