I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
