I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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