So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
