Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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