Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
