good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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