Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize