I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize