So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
